Grace in the Goodbyes
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… a time to keep and a time to throw away.
—Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6 NIV
When it comes to seasons shifting—old things passing on and new things coming—there are two types of people: either 1) those running toward the new and throwing off the old without a second glance, or 2) those clinging to the old, crying, already nostalgic about how much they’ll miss it.
For a practical example, think a kid going off to college for the first time as the first type of person, and his mom as the second.
Regardless of whether you kick the old to the curb or cling to it like Linus clings to his safety blanket, transition happens, seasons shift, and we all have old things we have to say goodbye to. Old jobs, old friends, old pets, old schools, old ways of life.
My husband and I are about to say goodbye to our pre-kid lifestyle as we prepare to welcome our December baby. We’re both ecstatic to meet him, our excitement growing with every kick and punch in my belly, and also acutely aware of just how much our life is about to change. How much selfishness is about to have to die in us. How our schedule, which already felt packed, is about to center around one tiny human.
If I’m honest with myself, I think that part of me will miss the old. Just me and Michael. Going on date nights when we want. Traveling without diaper bags and strollers and spit-up on our clothes. Sleeping in as late as we want on Saturdays he doesn’t have to work.
But then I imagine that first moment I get to hold my baby. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve already shed a few tears at the glimpse of the love that will surely consume me. And I wonder if maybe saying goodbye to the old is worth it for the new.
Maybe you have some things you’re having to say goodbye to in this season. Your firstborn’s childhood as he morphs into some kind of man-teenager. A relationship, romantic or otherwise, you thought you’d grow old with. A job in which you’d thought you’d find your dreams.
It’s okay to be sad about saying goodbye. It’s okay to mourn. In fact, often, it’s very healthy and needed to grieve. But in the midst of that mourning, I invite you to do something else too—celebrate.
That might feel too painful right now, and I understand that. When we have to say goodbye to things we want to cling to, sometimes we’d rather focus on the bad parts of it than the good. Or we want to stop thinking about it all together. Or we just want to cry. Celebration is the last thing we feel like doing.
But I think it’s important to celebrate the old that is passing. We celebrate the good memories. We celebrate what we learned. We celebrate because it has shaped us into who we are today. We celebrate, trusting that God fulfilled its purposes in us and for us, and we can now release it to Him.
I celebrate the five-and-a-half years of marriage that Michael and I had kid-less. Honestly, I think we needed that time. We’re going to be much better parents now than we would have been five years ago. But now, I let that time slip by as I look to the new—a new filled with a little chubby face and tiny little fingers. And we get to see what new God has for us next.
If you’re saying goodbye to something old, give yourself time, space, and grace to both celebrate and mourn because we can’t fully step into the new until we’ve honored the old.